Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Rotary Phones

"If you do not have a touch tone phone, please hang on." I can't believe companies still play this message. Tell me, who in their right mind, in this day and age, has and uses a rotary phone? Even in Montana, which is about 20 years behind the rest of the country, I have yet to see anyone with a rotary phone. I mean who would waste time spinning that dial, making their fingers sore, when they can head to Walmart and get a touch tone phone for $5? Do you know anyone with a rotary phone? Come on. Companies should take take this message off and replace it with "If you do not have a touch tone phone, you're shit out of luck, you retard."

For English, press 1. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Welcome to Bridgeporto Rico

Anybody check out the bracket regions in the women's NCAA basketball tournament? Albuquerque. Check. San Antonio. Check. Cleveland. Check. Bridgeport. Che...What the hell? How are you going to have the finals in 3 cool U.S. cities, and then throw in Bridgeport? For those that have never been to this dump, it's a coastal Connecticut city about 40 miles up the road from New York City. It's full of garbage, bums, gangs, pollution, run down buildings, and it even filed for bankruptcy several years back. Maybe it's changed a bit since I've been there, but I can't understand why anybody would want to visit Bridgeport. I feel bad for the girls that have to travel to this region. Suckers. Bring your gas masks and bullet proof vests.

The only dirtier cities I've ever seen are New Orleans and New Jersey. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Da Bum Is Outta Here

The Montana winters have become too much for me and my cardboard box, and I've decided to pack up and move to a warmer climate. I'll be relocating to Tampa, FL in August, ready to enjoy the weather and the beaches and the fine ladies. I don't think the Montuffalo's have migrated that far south, so that is good news. Things I'll miss about Montana? Good question but there are a few: My band, snowboarding, Thirsty Thursdays, and Calgary. I know, Calgary is not in Montana, but it's very accessible from here. It's been fun (sometimes), but I'll see ya.

Coyote Ugly Saloon in Tampa. Maybe I can get a job there?

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Great Falls is OK When You're Drunk!

You know, I'm going to break tradition here and actually say something nice about Great Falls. Last night I had the pleasure of attending the annual Wine and Food Festival at the Heritage Inn. It's probably the classiest event Great Falls has to offer. For $30 I was treated to unlimited food and drinks until 9pm. Now I'm not much for wine, but the good news was that they had plenty of beer, and the lines were always short since it was a "wine" festival. Anyway, I know I had more than my $30 worth, so I was happy. My buddy Joe is a wild man. Knowing that they stopped serving free booze at 9, he went around to all the tables at about 8:45 and collected whatever he could to sustain all of us for the rest of the evening. This guy had cases of wine and beer under the table. It was amazing. We actually had to carry stuff out to the car. Leave it good ol' Joe to get the job done! All in all a good night, but I'm paying the price for it today.

Did this guy puke from too much beer or a montuffalo sighting? Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Give It Up For the White Guy

For many years now, the white guy has been taking a beating in basketball, a game we invented. I don't know if it's because blacks play more basketball as youths, are taller, or are more athletic. But ever since blacks got involved in the sport, they have been kicking our asses. Wilt, Magic, Jordan, LeBron - all those great players are black guys. Well folks, it looks like the cracker is making a comeback. Take a look in the college game, where you'll see the top two players in the country, J.J. Redick of Duke, and Adam Morrison of Gonzaga (born in Montana!), are white. The best freshman in nation, Tyler Hansbrough from North Carolina, is white. And they're playing the game with intelligence, skill, and finesse. Yea, a good dunk is nice every once in a while, but let's see some basketball the way it was meant to be played. And if you want to see a whole team of white guys (who are good), and just happen to be inbred, white-trash hicks to boot, check out the University of West Virginia. Wow. A couple of those dudes have more tattoos than teeth.

They may not be able to jump, but they can sure shoot. Posted by Picasa