Sunday, October 30, 2005

What's Worse Than A DUI?

Driving under the influence is a serious offense, and shouldn't be taken lightly. But I've seen some other driving that warrants just as much attention, and adequate punishment. The first is DWE - Driving While Elderly. There are more old farts driving around these days in their big ol' cadillacs who don't have a clue what's going on around them. They can barely see above the steering wheel, they can't hear, and they see with blinders on. They drive in their own little world at a blazing 12 mph. I've had many more dangerous encounters with DWEs than drunk drivers. The other offensive driver is DWO - Driving While Oriental. These people have all their senses intact, but they have no clue how to drive. Left hand turns from right lanes, ignoring pedestrians in the crosswalk, and their ability to maneuver is close to zero. I love the sign they put in the window: "New Driver." No shit. Keep a look out for these dangerous drivers, and report them to the proper authorities. We need to get the geriatric and the Chinese off the roads.


"Keep my eyes on the what?" Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

What's Up With Tip Jars?

My new pet peeve is tip jars. Why does everybody working somewhere need to be tipped? I understand if it's someone who makes minimum wage and works for tips, like waitresses, valets, and strippers, but I saw one at the liquor store the other day. It's your job to ring up that bottle of Crown Royal! I'm not going to tip you. And I saw a tip jar in front of a band. Come on. This band was getting paid upwards of $300. You don't need tips. Another guy had a tip jar at a concert merch table. It said "Tip us. Help us eat." The guy at the table was a fat bastard. Obviously he's not starving. Plus, I think that the fact that he raped me on a $25 t-shirt is good enough. I'm going to get a bunch of those fake $5 bills and leave them in the tip jars. On the inside I'm going to write "Here's your tip: Blow me!" Who wants a batch?


Now that's a dollar well spent. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Playoff Diary: Week 3

Even though the Yanks are eliminated, I've still be keeping up with the playoffs. I like to watch the games, I just don't rearrange my schedule around them like if the Yankees were in it. I saw an amazing moment on Monday when the Cardinals escaped death as Albert Pujols hit an absolute bomb to win the game. Alas, it only delayed their elimination, as the Astros finished them off 2 days later in St Louis. So the two teams I was rooting for made it to the Series: The Astros and White Sox. It should be a great series, since both teams are stacked with pitching, and I love pitching. Plus it's Houston's first time there, and Chicago's first time since 1959. I've always been an American League guy (exceptions: 1986 and 2004 - guess why...) so I'm going for the White Sox.


Last time the Sox won a World Series, Shoeless Joe Jackson was their star and Woodrow Wilson was president. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Don't Call Her Watermelon

Wow, two weekends in a row out of Great Falls - what a morale booster! I spent 3 days in Missoula with 5 other buddies, and as you can imagine, the main event was partying. We watched sports, drank good beer, and looked at pretty girls. The funniest moment occurred in a bar when my friend Scott kept calling a girl "watermelon" (based on her pink and green shirt), which offended both the girl and her fiance. Next thing I know, the fiance has got Scott by the throat and has him up against the wall. I knew it wasn't too serious because Scott still had a smile on his face while he was getting choked out. Needless to say, he was booted out of the bar, but that one's still a mystery. We'll be back soon, and hopefully Scott can keep his mouth shut and us out of trouble.


The Iron Horse - One of the fine watering holes in M-town Posted by Picasa

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Playoff Diary: Week 2

Well it's been a week since the Yanks were eliminated, and I am a little more at peace with myself today. The series was frustrating to say the least, and the way the Yankees played, they deserved to lose. Poor defense, no clutch hits, and the pitchers didn't come through. The Big Unit didn't do what he was acquired to do, and I've had about enough of Mussina. That guy hasn't won a big game since we got him. ARod's a great player, but he's got a lot to prove in the postseason before he becomes complete. Jeter's the only true champion on the team, and they need more players like him. Sheff and Matsui get mediocre marks; although they didn't quite choke, they didn't play up to their capabilities. Let's make some changes, shore up the team, and come back fighting next year. As for the current situation, I'm pulling for the White Sox (I'm starting to hate the Angels) and the Astros (they have former Yanks, guys from Connecticut, and I hate the Cardinals ever since they didn't show up in the World Series last year against the Red Sox).


Stottlemyre's gone. Is this guy next? Maybe we need Piniella to fire things up. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Tales From Bozeman

I took the long Columbus Day weekend to get the hell outta Great Falls and refresh myself with some quality entertainment: music and drinking. My buddy and I hit up the "Blackest of the Black" tour, featuring Chimaira and Danzig. Chimaira was good; a little for harsh for me, but they tore it up. Danzig sounded great, although I'm not a big fan of them. The only song I know is "Mother," and we left before they played that one. Then we hit up The Rocking R bar, which was jam packed with people and featured a sweet cover band called "The Ed Band." Hot chick singer who could belt. It was good to go in an establishment where the average age was under 40, and the chicks outnumbered the mullets. I'll be back there again. But next week, it's off to Missoula. We'll see what kind of stories emerge from there.


Chimaira is allowed to look bad ass when they rip like they do. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Playoff Diary: Week 1

Well, this postseason has already been a victory of sorts so far - The Red Sox are gone! Swept in 3 games by the White Sox, there will be no repeat this year for the Sox. I loved the looks on the fans' faces when their team lost. The "I can't believe it" look. Well listen up shitbags, you guys were spoiled last year. Get ready for another 86 years of disappointments. This drought was even started with a new curse, as a routine grounder went through Tony Graffanino's legs, ala Bill Buckner, opening the gates to a Red Sox loss in Game 2. The Yanks are still playing, although down 2 games to 1 as we speak. They better get their heads out of their asses if they want to take this series and move on. If I can't root against the Red Sox anymore, I need to root for the Yanks. Let's go!


Robby Cano, Game 1 hero. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Something To Warm You Up

The weather in Montana has turned towards winter, with snowflakes falling for the first time yesterday. In order to remind you that summer is only 10 months away, and because I haven't posted a picture of a hot girl in a while, enjoy the scenery below. Plus I had to eliminate that nauseating image of Big Poppi from my head. And since I had nothing important to say today, let's just look at this.


Uh...What was I saying? Posted by Picasa

Sunday, October 02, 2005

One Step Closer to Civilization

Only in Montana can the headline below make the front page and not get a second look. To me, it says that until now, drinking while you drive was legal. Nice. No wonder Montana is the worst state in the nation regarding drunk driving incidents. But it actually means that as of October 1st, the open container law finally takes effect in this state. Now the hunters, hikers, snowmobilers, etc can't pop a cold one on the long ride home. I think this is a good law. While it was never legal for the driver to be boozing it up, with the passengers drinking, it was pretty easy for the driver to take a few sips. Hopefully it will make the roads safer. This new law doesn't bother me: I can't drink in the car anyway or I'd be peeing every 5 minutes.


At least you can still drive and drop acid. Posted by Picasa