Wednesday, August 31, 2005

This Pfag's not Pfunny

Anybody lucky enough to read the Great Falls tribune on a daily basis gets treated to a nifty little column called "Pfeiffer's Pfacts." The cross-eyed weather goof from Channel 3 prints 5 or 6 of the most useless tidbits known to man. Where he comes up with this shit, I have no idea. He should spend some time formulating an accurate weather report for a change, instead of surfing the internet for insignificant facts in between visits to kiddy porn sites. One fact from Tuesday's paper: "It is not uncommon for clowns to avoid the use of blue face paint. Many of those in the clown business consider the color bad luck." Oh, that's good to know the next time I dress up as a damn clown. Think of the dirty looks I would have gotten from the clown "experts." Thanks Pfred, for saving me from a lot of embarrassment!

"I'm watching you. Or am I?" Posted by Picasa

Sunday, August 28, 2005

The Pharmaceutical Industry is the Devil

Man, I hate drug companies. I suppose they keep me employed, but they're ruining our society. First off, they're out to appear like they really care about your health. Bullshit. They're out to make money like every other company. Their goal is to develop drugs that will a) prolong life, and b) need to be taken for life in order to prolong it. If you lived like shit for 40 years and have a heart attack, then that's your fate. Live (or I guess I should say die) with it. Then the drug companies feed you lies to convince you that their $1 drug is better than the old tried and true 1 cent drug, when it's not. Don't get me wrong, not all drugs are bad. But here's a list of conditions that we should stop wasting money trying to cure: 1) AIDS, 2) Lung Cancer, 3) Type II Diabetes. Can you think of any others who we should just let die and save some money?

Caution: Useless Old Fart Crossing Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Lewis and Clark Pissed Here

Enough with the Lewis and Clark shit already. I know, I know, it's the bicentennial and all, but come on now. Everybody's trying to make a buck off this crap. Lewis and Clark HATED Great Falls. You don't see the city bragging about that. If you could bring them back from the dead they would set this place on fire. What was supposed to be a one day portage around the falls turned into 18 long, hot, miserable days pulling baggage through prickly pear bushes, cutting their feet to shreds. And by the time they got to the mountains it was snowing, and the delay in Great Falls almost killed them all. Thanks Great Falls, for almost ruining American history.

"Those falls ain't so fucking great. Let's get the hell out of here." - It applies today as it did 200 years ago. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, August 21, 2005

News Flash: Randy Moss Smokes Dope

Who the hell was surprised by this revelation? The media's making a big deal out of it, but you mean to tell me that you couldn't figure out that Randy Moss smokes pot? I mean look at the guy. He says something retarded every week, he fake moons the fans, squirts water at refs, among countless other antics. Who cares? He got high and nobody died. I'll bet he probably hit the bong at halftime once or twice. My only question is how does he stay so skinny, what with the munchies and all?

"Damn I'm high. Look at my eyes, man." Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Watch Some MTV, Montana

Montanians have no idea how to behave at a rock concert. I'm ashamed to admit I went to the Hoobastank concert at the State Fair last week. Not something I'd do under normal circumstances, but I was hitting some serious show withdrawal. The kids at the show made some noise, were real adept at making the devil horn sign, and occassionally jumped up and down. How about a mosh pit? Hoobastank has got some heavy songs. Well my Rutgers friend and I had had enough of this shit, so when their first hit "Crawling in the Dark" kicked off, we pushed our way up front and opened it up. At first we got some crazy looks, but then the fags cleared out and the moshers moved in. It got pretty rough, but the kids had no idea about mosh pit etiquette. I picked up 3 or 4 people off the floor and broke up a fight. It's supposed to be mayhem, but friendly. Remember, we're all in this for the music. I think we did a good job: the singer gave us some props, and we were congratulated by other fans as we made our exit. We may have started something here. There may be hope for salvation.

Now this is a show. Diecast at the Hanover House in CT in 2002. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Hey, We Just Hired Your Dad

Why do some companies insist on putting a big announcement in the paper when they hire someone? The Great Falls clinic is notorious for that. I'm kept informed of their entire new staff, which is a good thing because I was really concerned about who was filing records down there. Who cares? I don't give a crap who joined your practice and is ready to start raping patients. Spend some money on healthcare and stop wasting it on useless advertising.

Cleaning your poop with a smile. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

I'm About to Killswitch Something

So the first good hardcore show comes to Montana, in like, well, ever. Killswitch Engage, As I Lay Dying, and Soilwork are rocking Missoula tonight in an Ozzfest off-date show. Well, what do you know, circumstances at work prevent me from attending. This is bad for several reasons: 1) I'm show deprived and really need to see a good one, 2) I've never seen KsE, and they are one of my favorite bands, and 3) We need to support events like this so similar ones will return to our state. NOBODY plays Montana. And now that X107.3 is SAM (Shitty, Awful Music), there will be little publicity for this show, and probably poor attendance. That won't help the cause. If you're reading this message, get your ass to the Wilma Theatre. NOW!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Stop Being a Pussy

I'll usually come to the defense of a baseball player, but no doubt about it, Manny Ramirez is a pussy. After a collision with Edgar Renteria in the outfield (I'd call it more of a glancing blow with a 145lb shortstop), this bitch was on lying on the ground for 20 minutes like he'd just been shot. (But considering his background, he probably knows what that feels like too.) Then he's got this tampon sticking out of his nose to soak up "all" that blood. Baseball players already have a reputation for being wimps, stop encouraging them. This guy would be on the disabled list if he stubbed his toe getting out of the shower. Grow a pair, Manny.

Doctors plugged Manny's nose in an attempt to stop any remaining brain from leaking out. Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Wantid: A Editer That Can Reed

The image below was an actual clipping taken from the Great Falls Tribune sports section on Tuesday, August 2, 2005. Now I have dogged on this newpaper for its frequent mispellings and errors, but this one takes the cake. How does 1) a writer type this headline, and 2) an editor miss this? Buried deep in an article is one thing, but a headline? And this is a major newspaper in Montana. Hmm, well either the Orioles just swept themselves, or they have expanded the major leagues and there are now two teams called the Orioles. Nice job guys.

The Orioles will look to rebound this weekend against the Orioles. Posted by Picasa