Sunday, May 29, 2005

The Poseidon Adventure is the Greatest Movie Ever Made

I don't care what you say. You can't beat this movie. Released in 1972, it was the first great disaster movie, and still is the best disaster/escape movie to this day. It featured such stars as Leslie Neilson, Gene Hackman, Ernest Borgnine (from my hometown!), Shelley Winters, Red Buttons, Roddy McDowell, and Stella Stevens. The Poseidon Adventure was nominated for 9 Oscars and won 2. It is the only movie I have ever seen twice, and it still gives me chills every time I watch it. In fact, the quote on the previous post's picture is from this movie. Can you tell me who said it?

"Manny? What's happening? Manny!" Posted by Hello

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Time To Crap on Great Falls Again

I just can't help it. I had the pleasure of going to Missoula last weekend, and let me tell you, it's like a breath of fresh air (literally, because you can't smoke in the bars). Visiting that town makes me almost believe that there are parts of Montana that are normal. Yea, it's kind of a hippy town, but I can look past that and see the good stuff. Here's a list of reasons why Missoula is better than Great Falls:

1) There's a real college there, which translates into education, culture, and COLLEGE GIRLS! It actually brings the average age to under 50.
2) It's prettier. It's nestled right in between some mountains, and the scenery is green, not puke brown. And the buildings are newer than 1940 and are not falling down.
3) THERE'S NO WIND! I friggin' hate wind.
4) You can meet people who a) have all their teeth, b) don't have a mullet, c) can speak in complete sentences, and d) are pleasant to look at (females, of course - I'm not like that).
5) When you go to a bar it doesn't feel like you walked into the Regal Beagle.
6) They have a Best Buy and an Outback.

Final Answer: Great Falls still sucks.

My God, there are other people still alive! Posted by Hello

Sunday, May 22, 2005

David MSC vs. Jaundiced Jaw

These two heavyweights (and I do mean heavy you fat bastids) have been battling it out on various blogs for some time now. Well I'd like to see them settle this once and for all, in a no holds barred battle royal. Get these two in the ring, give them all the weapons fit for man, and let them go at it. It should be a bloodbath, but it'll be a good fight. Preliminary odds from Vegas have JJ as the 3:2 favorite. My money's on JJ for the knockout in the 5th round.

"Get your hand off my diaper!" Posted by Hello

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Star Wars is Stupid

I don't even have to elaborate on this one. Just take one look at these movies and the idiots that obsess over them. How many of these friggin' things can they make? If you're at the movies tonight at 12:01am you're a loser. Besides, you can see real live Chewbaccas in Great Falls.

"Give me a flannel and I can be prom queen in Great Falls." Posted by Hello

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Wilderness Survival Skills

What was this poor bastid thinking? "Oh, that bear is only 1200 pounds. I'm sure he got that big eating grass and berries." Well I hate to tell ya, but that wasn't Yogi Bear looking for a pickinic basket. That was a man-eating monster, who snacked on your leg and then went looking for some barbecue sauce. Wandering out in the woods unprepared is stupid. Man (weapons or not), is no match for a bear that big. Just goes to show you that we're not always at the top of the food chain.

"I'll Take A Drumstick" Posted by Hello

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

The Yankees Are Good For Baseball

I have a few words for all the Yankee haters out there: You need the Yankees. Here's why.

1) Contrary to popular belief, the Yankees don't buy championships. When they dominated in the late 90s, their team was compiled from homegrown players (Jeter, Bernie Williams, Pettitte, Posada, Rivera) and astute trades (Tino Martinez, Paul O'Neill, Scott Brosius). Ever since they have so-called been buying players, they haven't won shit.

2) When the Yankees are good, baseball's popularity increases. Even if your team sucks, you can still root against the Yanks. When the Yanks suck there's no fun in it for you. And I don't see your owners complaining when the Yankees come to town and your desolate stadium is suddenly filled.

3) Yes, the Yankees have a lot of good players that add up to a lot of money. But they're not the team resetting the market value for these guys. It was the Texas Rangers who paid ARod $250 million, then couldn't afford anybody else and sucked for several years. The Yankees have the resources to get ARod off the Rangers' hands, give them a good player in return (Soriano), and now look, the Rangers are contenders.

4) George Steinbrenner plays by the rules. He wants to win and he's willing to pay for it. He pays his $30 million luxury tax and doesn't complain. It's not our problem your owner doesn't care about your team and takes his share of the luxury tax and puts it in his pocket.

You can't argue with these points. Hate the Yankees all you want, but they're good for baseball. If you still disagree, you're just jealous.

26 times. Period. Posted by Hello

Sunday, May 08, 2005

Sleep on This

What's up with all the mattress commercials on tv lately? They all promise a better night's sleep, more comfort, yada yada yada. Well for one, Americans would sleep better if they all weren't a bunch of fat whales with sleep apnea. But on the other hand, have you ever seen the sleeping couples in these commercials? For crying out loud, if I was sleeping next to women that hot, I'd be sleeping like a baby too. I mean once you bust a nut into one of those sweet pieces of ass, you're out like a light. Maybe it's not the mattress that's the secret to a good night's sleep, it's what's sleeping next to you. So don't waste your money on a bed. Waste it on a hot Russian bride.

It wasn't that mattress that made me sleep like a baby. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Rate My Poop

I've seen a lot of blogs with posts about meaningless events in someone's day: what they had for lunch, who beat them to the copier at work, what kind of mood their cat was in, etc. Well I'm not going to bore you with that kind of stuff. The highlight of my day was this nice big ol' dump I took. There have been babies born that weighed less (and looked worse). And thank God your screen's not a scratch n' sniff cause it was a stinker! Pretty nice, huh? Let me know what you think!

Heidi Ho! Posted by Hello

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Ebeneizer McDoogle

What's up with hot women pairing up with goofy dudes nowadays? I've seen a lot of fine women out and about (not in Great Falls, Montana), and many of them are with the dorkiest tools created. What gives? Are they with them for their money, their smarts, their big johnsons? Granted, I can't stand meatheads either, but women are starting to confuse me. I have tabbed these luck dorks "Ebeneizer McDoogles." So when you see one of these chumps out with a model, say "What's your secret, Ebeneizer?" Then kick him in the nuts and show his girl a real man.

"After math class I'm taking Carmen Electra to dinner." Posted by Hello